Certain things I struggle to get right. Eating well is a biggie. Being happy with how I look is another. Being honest in public is increasingly working, as is being capable of offering help in sensible and constructive ways. If change is what is required in the world, and it certainly feels right now that is the case, this is a means by which I can facilitate that. I cannot be idle as the world burns.
It occurs to me this morning as I accept how much I hate the heat, that trying to fix the stuff I can do nothing about is indeed a waste of time. What I am now capable of doing is addressing the stuff that’s never worked properly by being realistic about what that entails. The struggles I have had with self-image have a lot to do with allowing the world to dictate my feeling. Maybe it is time to fix that.
My world view is tainted by many things I can easily and directly influence.
Last night was an utter privilege: to sit literally around one huge table with over a dozen massively talented women writers, across a massive age range and from hugely diverse backgrounds, representing multiple ethnicities and with stories to tell that straddle incredibly different life experiences. To have a seat at such a table is still mind-blowing. To hold it and feel confident whilst still internally panicking was definitely a step forward.
What comes of this now is up to another group of women to arrange and guide. I am confident a lot of positivity will result from whatever now takes place and that is now out of my hands. Whilst it is, I should really try and rationalise what can be done. Taking time away from the poems will help. However, what will help more is the confidence that last night granted me.
That will be remembered as a very significant step forward.
It’s almost the weekend. I’m about to go cancel something today that I am in no space to mentally accommodate. Today will be a Rest Day in every sense, and we will start again tomorrow. It is time to let things settle.