I find it impossible to freewrite on cue. There, I said it. When instructed to freewrite in workshops, the only way it ever works is when I am provided with guidance. I learnt this from Rachel Long in what was one of the early Red Sky Sessions from Apples and Snakes. She’d give prompts, and I’d have a thread to hold onto. Sending me into my own brain with the instruction to just write what you think will never end well.
On Monday something fascinating happened when given the demon instruction. A poem appeared. It was 80% formed, too. There was no deadline to hit and no submission to consider and BOOM there it was. I’m staring at it now and wondering how much else needs doing with it, and you know what? Very little does. So, what happens now?
I concentrate on getting hench, that’s what.
I eat lots of protein and very little carbs for a whole month, then get back on the scales. The laundry never gets as behind as it has over the last six weeks. A Druid and a Priest are levelled to 70 in World of Warcraft. When there is no more left to give in my HIIT classes, as happened today, I dig and find more. The chapbooks are finished. Time is made to stand and do nothing in sunshine. More water and less tea is drunk.
Then I wonder what it will be like when new work is published. There’s thought to what could be done to celebrate 100 subscribers, if my mental health rambling doesn’t scare them all away. More artwork is made for Instagram. Less stress happens over my own image. The to-do list is reduced, and personal relaxation is increased. All of this is prioritised over writing poetry, and if happens when all this is taking place?
We’ll lean in.
Tomorrow is a huge day. It’s also a Thursday, which means a new haircut. Whatever happens after that, we will apply for Arts Council funding in the later part of this year. We will stop worrying about shit that can’t be fixed, and start focussing on the stuff there’s a decent chance of improving. On top of all of this? There will be no stressing about what we don’t have. There is totally no point.
All that matters is what makes life better for everybody.