The following post was going to be Paid Only. Instead I am offering both Paids and Frees an example of what you’ll see if you choose to subscribe to the Paid Tier <3
What a week, chums. WHAT A WEEK.
A lot of the time I have absolutely no fucking idea what I am doing. No lies here. I try and write to connect with people and often it works, but mostly it doesn’t. That’s been where my work has fallen for a while, and then we got the shortlist in January. A lot of thought and consideration has been used since then to identify how that level of interest and success might be repeated.
Mentoring was always the goal. Now we’ve had the first session, it transpires that yes, there IS something that was missing in this work but was present in the shortlisted poetry. It does not exist in this work because I have been emotionally distancing myself from that possibility. The subject matter is too personal to allow that to take place. Except, on Wednesday, I allowed myself to dream, albeit briefly. The result today was a poem, written from start to finish in a Blaze class.
I feel like I’ve found a mystic unlock code for a secret level of my behaviour.
No, this won’t work every time, but this morning there was an almost perfect realignment of knowledge, experience and emotional clarity that undoubtedly came with extremely focused exercise. Ideas I’d played with and considered for, in some cases decades, all decided they’d do that thing where all the science comes together and makes the magic. They’re all now in one poem.
Yes, I will try and repeat this. There will need to be more reliable methods, and with a day in Brighton to play with words before I read THAT poem at an Open Mic, this will be the perfect test bed to see if there is merit in expanding my remit as to where (and when) I write. At this point, we can see several paths which logically extend from the experience. It’s time to do nothing whilst letting this all find its new, natural level.
Part of my problem in the past has been pushing too fast, too quickly…
There is also a reason why I’ve chosen to illustrate this post with movie scenes. These are the kind of ‘emotional resonance meets unique imagery’ experiences that need to occur more often in my long-form work. The brain knows what has to happen, and now the task has begun: not to force it, but to be patient. We are in a marathon and not a series of badly executed sprints.
Taking time is hard. I’d like everything to happen now, because there’s been so long when impotent and angry is all that’s been felt. This is not likely to change any time soon either. What is alterable are my responses, and how I treat myself as a result.
I need to be far less hard on myself, and we need to work on getting stronger.