Occasionally you will find yourself in a situation where someone points out something so obvious that you cannot believe you had not noticed it before. It rocks you back so forcefully that reality shifts. I have a CBT metaphor for this: my life is a series of doors, some of which are now locked for good. Many are nailed shut, and some have warnings that should be considered before entering.
Occasionally someone will point out a door I’d not noticed before. It’s one they use in their life all the time, they pass through it daily. When looking at my life, that door has always been accessible, but I won’t use it, because it leads to places so bad that the doorframes have been removed and the spaces bricked up. Now I know what is behind the door, there is a choice to be made.
This morning, somebody unexpectedly handed me a sledgehammer.
We often have no input on how our lives are built: circumstances dictate moments completely out of our hands. Society can enforce restrictions on us based on arbitrary circumstances. These shortcomings become apparent only when we are lucky enough to find people to help us identify what they are. Often we will live in the dark, unaware of how close we are to enlightenment.
So, I’m late today because somebody pointed out something so blindingly obvious that I couldn’t see it. Now I can’t see anything else and am temporarily blinded by the light streaming through a space that’s been revealed. When I walk through here into the area behind, there is probably no going back either. We are going to demolish some brickwork, fully cognisant of consequence.
I am lucky to have found someone at this point in my poetry journey who will hold a mirror up to me and not at themselves before expecting me to copy their appearance. I will always be grateful for the ability to look objectively at myself and grow from the experience. Most importantly of all, I fully accept that there is never a bad time to admit you are failing in your individual duty of care.
Looking after myself has not been a priority for quite some time, and that needs to alter. It will begin with an exhale and a measured lunch, before a cuppa and some quiet time. After that, I have work to do. It won’t be easy, but I honestly don’t care. I am genuinely buzzing with excitement right now. I do not need validation, simply encouragement. There are things to build, and I am ready to learn.
Let the deconstruction and reconstruction begin.
I'm so proud of the effort you're making on your own behalf. 🥰
Excellent writing!